im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
