The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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