walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize