we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize