Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
