did you get engaged???
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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