Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
