Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
