just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
