Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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