I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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