I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
