Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
