Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
