just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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