Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
