even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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