It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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