You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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