I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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