On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
