I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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