Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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