1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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