Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
