my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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