We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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