she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
