hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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