I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
