i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
