You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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