Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
