I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize