She is in my trunk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
