U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
