What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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