I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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