What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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