The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
