sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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