Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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