I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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