Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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