My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
