i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
