you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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