Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
