I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
