god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
