Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
