In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
