shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
