Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
