you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
