the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
