A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He passed out mid-signature
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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