Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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