but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
