So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
