I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize