I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
