I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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