I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
