I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
