I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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