...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
