Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize