He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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