"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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