I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
