Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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