Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
